September has always been my favourite month, namely for one reason – back to school. I am a huge nerd at heart and I’m not afraid to say that I’ve always loved school. Every August would be spent in anticipation for the upcoming school year – seeing my friends everyday, new classes, big plans and dreams. I would troll stationary shops stocking up on new school supplies – crisp new notebooks, packs of pens, stacks of binders – and start planning my back-to-school outfits.

This year has been different.

Suddenly, the upcoming school year has become something to dread. I have exactly 20 days left before I leave for Montreal and school, and every day that passes by feels like a slow death march. I think about getting back into the school routine – the endless lines at the Paragraphe bookstore, climbing the steps of the Arts building, the endless -40 degree winter – and my heart clenches with dread. I don’t want to go back to school.

There is so much coming up in the next month. I think about it all and become stressed out. New living situation, new roommates, harder classes, new job, new friends. In August alone I will be moving into a new home, buying and assembling furniture, finding a new job, and figuring out volunteering and internship positions. Not to mention, on top of all that, is the ever-pressing issues of navigating my social life, sticking to a healthy diet and exercise plan, and keeping up my grades (in much more difficult classes!). I’m having trouble sleeping at night thinking about everything I need to do.

Most of all, I love love love my life here in Vancouver. Sure, it’s not ideal. But I have great friends, an amazing city I know my way around, and my family. Why am I leaving again?

And when did I get so scared?